05
Jul
09

An interview with my girlfriend

So I was stumped about something to write about. An interview might be nice, I thought. But I don’t know anyone to interview. Well in the end I decided to interview my girlfriend about a load of stuff. Get the lowdown on her thoughts on how awesome I am, and how much Linux sucks, and what it’s really like to sleep with me. Hah! Read on.

What is your name?
My name is Lady Catherine aka Dollface aka Toots aka Catbob

That’s quite a few aliases. How did that come about?
Well, Lady Catherine is me in our parallel 1890s universe. Dollface, you just started calling me a few years back when you had watched a few too many ’40s hard-boiled detective films. I’m not really sure where Toots came from, you just say it. And Catbob is a nickname of old from my PGL activity holiday in 2001 that I kept cos I liked it! I’m just multiple personality lady. rambolrambolrambolrambolrambolambolramb

Explain the “rambol” reference.
Rambol is my alternative spelling of ‘ramble’, of which I do a lot. It’s like ‘gambol’, as in cute spring lambs, but with an R. Rambol!

Very well then. Okay, a simple one. Tell me about the sort of music you enjoy listening to.
Oh I don’t know, various stuff. According to you, songs in which you can make out what the singer is saying.

This is a reference to a telephone conversation we had a couple nights before, in which I told Catbob I thought that her musical taste involves comprehensible singing.

You can go to my last.fm and have a look if you’re interested. My user name is damselface. LOOK AT MY COOL MUSIC. You do listen to weirdo music. And pompous pretentious 17-minute-long numbers with a full string orchestra and ear-splitting crashes of DOOM and then terribly quiet bits, with names like ”And The Wind Will Whistle Through The Weeds of my Mind part 3” (there is no part 1 or 2)

How true is this accusation? I was listening to a song entitled “SST, 0452000, f’ = f*(sst/18.7)^2” when I asked this. The song is by a professor by the name of Bob L. Sturm. The technique known as sonification, or auditory display, is the process of turning non-acoustic signals into sonic objects that can be listened to. The sensitivity of the human auditory system is well-known, and so sonification attempts to take advantage of this highly developed system to present data in more effective ways. In some practices sonification has become essential, for instance a heart monitor in the operating room gives the staff an status report on a patient’s condition without interrupting their visual or mental focus. Sturm has explored using sonification as a tool for research, teaching, and music composition.<br><br>The Pacific Ocean is an immensely complex environment that has enourmous impact on the entire planet Earth. Tides are predictable for the next 10,000 years, but the interactions of the ocean and atmosphere make week-long predictions of ocean conditions difficult at best. Winds grip the ocean surface creating wave-trains hundreds of kilometers long, which often travel thousands of kilometers to finally break, releasing the embodied solar energy on some distant shore. Deep water ocean buoys record these wave energies and make predicting coastal conditions easier. This data is extremely important to coastal engineers, mariners, military, scientists, commercial fishing, and surfers.

Sturm’s music is a demonstration and exploration of turning this data into sound and music. Listening to the ocean creates a new way of understanding it. Energy coming from storms thousands of kilometers away, local wind swells occurring in the afternoons, and seasonal and regional differences along the West coast of the USA, can be heard in the sonifications of the data. Composing for the ocean is also explored by using the buoy as performer and ocean as conductor. The results can be delicate wisps to massive jolts depending on the location of the buoy and time of year.

You’re so hip, you need a hip replacement.
I need a boyfriend replacement too, d’you know where I could get one?

Indeed. Why do you hate me so much, anyway?
Because you’re super-lame and make me cry and tantrum and do such awful impressions of me and always apologise as if to pre-empt me complaining about something, and you’re smelly and mouldy. Understand OK, I h8 all of u.

Ah yes, Engrish. You browse the web quite a bit. You must have seen your fair share of bad English, even by native speakers of English. What goes through your mind when you encounter terrible examples of English?
Engrish is very entertaining, but poor English from people whose mother tongue that is should be ”altered” so they can never form babby of their own.

Very well then! Let’s go geek for a few. What sort of sites do you visit the most?
Hmm, not many, really. I check my email, I use Twitter, I look at some funny blogs, there’s an astrology site, lastfm, our wiki … I gots a blag now too

So you’re a Linux user. How’s that working out for you?

Linux is very cool and I agree with the ideology and all that but I would a splode if I didn’t have you to show me how to do some basic things and sort out problems for me. I enjoy it though and wouldn’t want to go back to windows.

My dollface has lots of nasty peripheral issues. A pun?

Very well. Around the internet there are endless debates, discussions and flame wars about whether or not Linux is “ready” for the desktop. Well, in your opinion, is it?
Well it is if you just need it for simple tasks, word processors and email/internet and such, but you would need a lot of explanations first about how things work, like the terminal, synaptec, and the general layout; and woe betide you if you have a less common mp3 player or want to link your phone up to your computer or some such.

Indeed. Anyhoo, I’m just saying, I’ve been all over the interwebs and Lunix girls are few and far between, so asking these questions serve as great link-bait for geeks all across the world to come and see a real life girl and then collectively ejaculate as one. Okay, moving away from geeky stuff, tell me about your favourite BIOS set-up! lol jk
[She frowns at me.]

So, what was it that attracted you to me?
I could see my reflection in your eyes and glasses. That was hot.

Sometimes the refraction of light on my lenses means I see two of you. That’s hot as well.
Srsly tho I liked the cut of your jib. I liked that you could use words and punctuation and stuff, to humorous effect. I liked our silly banter and I was intrigued. And you were cute too with the little emo picture with the heart, and the easter egg box on your head. And later when we got to know each other better you were just kind to me (! Those days are looong gone!) and addictive to speak to. And you like cool music (as well as the dodgy stuff). So I overlooked your lame side and fell in lurve. D’oh!

You are interested in period drama and classic literature and stuff. What’s the appeal?
Well, I like words in general so that explains the literature. I haven’t read enough classics really, I need to read more. I just finished a Gothic novel, which was ever so frightful. Sometimes I like to be transported to a historical version of the world and see the way things were. Period drama contains gorgeous dresses & corsets and sexy tailcoats/top hats, and a cool mannered way of speaking, dashing gents, villainous cads, and damsels in doom.

OK. Next question. I am awesome.

[She looks unimpressed.] That’s not a question, it’s just a bare-faced lie. You’re lying!

Let’s get serious for a bit. The Israel/Palenstine conflict. How can it be resolved?
Blow them all up so there are none left to carry it all on.

If I were a rotten journalist, I’d use that to ask you a leading question about why you’re such a right-wing maniac. But thankfully my intentions are pure.
Ha!

Going back to what you were saying before about the wordiness of oldschool drama, would you enjoy life if everybody still spoke a little like that?
Yes, I would. People would consider their use of words a little more, there’d be a mixture of comedy and awesomeness, less of the mindless slang. Or if they did use slang, it’d be new to us. Yes, that would make my life less bum-achingly awful!

What’s your opinion on swearing?
Fucking awful.  I think swearing has to be in the right context. I don’t like lots of coarse language just for the sake of it, and I think it loses its intended effect when it’s frequently used anyway. That said, there are times when nothing will express your feelings like a good old curse-word. It can be very funny too when used in a certain way. But in itself it’s not necessarily big or clever or amusing.

Moving on, then. Tell me about your greatest fears!

Oho so you can use them to your advantage? I know your game! Being stuck with you forever. Eek. Fire … double eek. Dehydrating, or suffocating – linked to my dislike of narrow enclosed spaces especially underground ones, like caves/potholes, where if anything happened to you it would be very hard to rescue you, and stuff

I’ve never been frightened of enclosed spaces. When I was 12, I went on a pot-holing trip in Wales. Several metres below ground, on my stomach crawling through a very tight tunnel, with water seeping over me. I found it thoroughly enjoyable. Tell me where your fear of fire comes from.
Oh ssssh, that sounds godawful! It makes my skin crawl. I suppose you’re skinny and don’t have boobs so you can manoeuvre through narrow areas better than I could. I shudder to imagine it. As far as fire goes, I don’t know where it comes from. Either there was some incident when I was very young that I don’t remember, or maybe a past life, I don’t know. But I do remember having a phase of nighmares about fire when I was about six and being scared that the bonfire on the field behind my garden would spread and burn my house down, the first year we lived here. And crying at the scene in Home Alone where he blowtorches the baddie’s head, and then later with heating up the doorknob. I should think burning to death would be the worst way to go. Ugh.

So anyway. What’s it like sleeping with me?
Sleeping is lovely to doze off curled up together or spooning, but then I get elbowed in the face or pushed out of bed evey time you move in your sleep and wake up three hours before you the next day. But it’s lovely to share those sleepy moments with you when we’re so relaxed and cosy.

No, I mean the sex part.
What? I’m not answering that!

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4 Responses to “An interview with my girlfriend”


  1. 5 July, 2009 at 1:49 am

    Hooray! I’m famous. You can see a few of the parts where things have obv been baleated, hee hee. And of course when I’m talking about people with poor English skillz, my sentence is gramatically terrible and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. D’OH!

    So… what’s it like sleeping with ME?

    • 5 July, 2009 at 1:57 am

      Yeah, it’s all right. When you fall asleep before me I get to hear you murmuring “h8 u, h8 u…” as you doze.

      • 14 July, 2009 at 11:37 am

        Damn, I mis-typed ‘grammatically’ above, too! Why does that always happen?! I can speaks the lingo, honest.

        I should add here for future readers (there have been 4 today already who came to my blog from here!) that I also got *thrashed* in my sleep last week. Actually thrashed. We know what HE was dreaming aboot.


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